I should be working
2004-07-01, 9:19 a.m.

First off, many apologies for the bad typing in my last entry- what can I say? I had been drinking. I think 'drunk' is too strong a word, but you get the picture- 60 oz of beer can inhibit my ability to type. Also, I need to give credit for the schweeet new layout of my diary to a friend of mine. I sure as hell don't know a squirt of piss about HTML, but she does, and was kind enough to jazz up my diary for me.

One more quick note on the Kasia situation: Every time I see her, I thank Jupiter's Thunder that I got out of that relationship. She is a truly nice person, but all she really cares about is herself. You could say that I'm no different, and I'd have to say you're probably right, but I spent the first 30 minutes of our dinner listening to her rattle on about her job. I can at least claim to be a much better listener than she ever has been.

Why is it every entry I write ends up revolving around women? Prob because its all I really think about 90% of the day. I am going to a wedding next weekend in Michigan. My first ever girlfriend, Heidi, is getting hitched to her loser fiance. And no, I'm not calling him a loser because he ended up with her instead of me. I honestly don't care about that. He is just a loser, plain and simple. Whenever I see him, he usually goes out of his way to tear me down. Prob because he knows Heidi always liked me more than him. Which is prob why she's ended up making out with me every time I've seen her over the past few years- even after she moved in with him. I think she could do a lot better, and is basically settling because she doesn't want to be out playing the field anymore. I wonder if that is what usually happens... People just end up settling because they're too tired to keep looking. I saw two hugely obese people walking last week- and by obese, I mean I don't think both of them could have fit into a compact car at the same time-these two were HUGE. I assumed they were married or dating... and I thought to myself, "Does either of them really like the other? Or are they together because they don't feel they can land anyone else?" I mean, IS that what happens? My dad gave me a piece of advice a while ago, saying that there is always going to be one person in every relationship who feels more strongly than the other, and I agree with that. But why stay with someone (or marry them) when you know they aren't going to make you happy? Writing this, my thoughts are drifting back to the kind friend who so generously stylized my diary... She's been seeing her current boyfriend off and on now for as long as I've known her. I don't think he makes her happy. In fact, I think he causes her more pain and agrivation than he does happiness- but I think she's with him because she feels like she can't find anyone else- that perhaps he's as good as she's going to get.

She's wrong, of course.

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