fear.com
2004-09-05, 9:44 p.m.

The overriding emotion that runs my life is fear. Is that the case for everyone, or is it just me? I honestly think damn near every decision I make is based on an overwhelming desire to avoid conflict or rejection. And the only times they aren't, it is when I am completely indifferent to the consequences. I wish I could care less of what may happen- or not happen- and just do what I want to do. Say I am in a bar and there is a girl looking at me, giving me her attention. Do I do anything? Do I go up and talk to her? Of course I don't. I'm too affraid I'll say the wrong thing, or that I've misread the situation and she isn't interested. Too affraid of being rejected by someone else, I just reject myself by default, and sit there and drink my beer. God, that is so pathetic. Help me out here, people- is it just me, or does everyone function like this?!?

Oh- and I almost forgot- I saw something on TV tonight that nearly made me wet my pants. I am seriously thinking about ordering this- Symphonic Rock I think that has to be one of the most tasteless things that has come out in the past year. I've gotta tell ya though, it would almost be worth it to hear an orchastral take on "Livin' on a Prayer". I think it takes some serious balls to come out with a product like that, so you've got to give them a little credit for being risk takers. I mean, they have to realize that the only place those discs are going to end up is at the dentist's office- being piped in at whisper volume into the waiting room. I would like, just once, to pop in an instrumental version of "Nights in White Satin" and blare it out all the way to 11. I just don't know if I want to fork out 30 bucks for something I'll only find amusing for a couple of weeks....

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