My lazy Slacker ass
2004-09-28, 8:48 p.m.

I am feeling hesitantly optimistic. Things with Jessica seem to be moving along nicely. We kissed last night. A good kiss. No hairy upper lip. The more I learn about her, the more I sort of admire her. She has done something with her life. She comes from what I would at best refer to as an unstable home. She has put herself through school. She likes what she does- and has passion for it. I can't say any of these things about myself. I have what I have because of my family. I haven't accomplished anything on my own. As a result, I have no motivation- no ambition for anything. I don't like my job, but I don't want to find a different one. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I feel as though I haven't made good use of the time I've had, and now I'm 28 and I don't really have much to show for it. I have talent, but no desire to do anything with it. In some ways, I feel guilty for the squandered oportunities afforded to me, knowing that I've pissed away what some people will never have a chance to obtain or experience. Should I feel guilty about that? I've always done enough to get by, and thats about it. I never applied myself in school. I don't apply myself at work. The only thing I really had (past tense) a passion for was the art I did in highschool. Isn't that pathetic? I haven't picked up a pencil or a paintbrush in years. I don't even have a desire to. Is this what its like when your soul dies? But I digress...

Fuck. I don't even remember what I was going to talk about now.

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