People keep stealing my fucking bowls! I don�t go to the store and buy plastic bowls for everyone else; I buy them for me, damn it! Well, OK- stealing is a harsh word, since they always ask if they can use one, but still! I had gotten in the habit of eating oatmeal or cereal for breakfast everyday, and since there is no easy way to wash silverware and stuff, I always bought disposable bowls, spoons, etc. Well, the other two people I work with would inevitably ask if they can use a bowl here and there, and not wanting to sound like a complete prick, I would oblige. Now, you�d think that after a while someone else would have offered to buy some bowls for all of us to use, but you�d be wrong. Finally I stopped buying them and started eating other stuff for breakfast because I was sick and tired of getting mooched off of. So for weeks I had been eating pop tarts and cereal bars for breakfast. However, you can only eat so many pop tarts before they make you want to gag, so I broke down yesterday and bought more plastic bowls. After all, I still have like 15 packets of oatmeal to eat sitting beside my desk. So I come in this morning with my new package of disposable bowls, and yup- you guessed it. One of my co-workers took one. ARGH!! Of course she asked first, but still! I felt like saying, �No! You can�t have one! If you want a plastic bowl, drag your fat ass to the store and buy your own! These are mine!� Even feeling the way I do, I of course ended up saying, �Sure,� all the while trying to imagine different ways you can use a plastic red bowl as a deadly weapon. So far I�ve come up with a couple of possibilities:

If one were to break the bowl in the proper fashion, a nice sharp edge could result. With this sharp edge, and with enough pressure, I think it would be possible to penetrate enough soft tissue in her neck to reach her carotid artery and thus bleed her to death.

Or, I could break the bowl up into smaller pieces and then shove those down her throat. I think that would severely lacerate her esophagus and would more than likely hinder her ability to swallow. If the pieces were sufficiently lodged in there, it could eventually induce vomiting. With her throat blocked with pieces of plastic bowl, the vomit wouldn�t be able to exit her throat, would spill into her trachea, and she�d drown on her own vomit.

I think the second one is my favorite so far. Much more painful. If anyone has any suggestions, I�m all ears.

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