I�ve been feeling kind of down here lately. I can�t pin it on one specific thing, but there just seems to be a lot of pressure right now, and I�m feeling claustrophobic. In a lot of ways I expected this, so it isn�t really a surprise. Now that we�re engaged, we are trying to move forward with plans for the wedding. We�re aiming for next fall, which I know is still a long way off, but I can�t help but feel like time is working against me. Things need to be done to the house, I am in debt because of the ring, and now I need to start setting money aside for the wedding. I feel like the walls are slowly closing in, and there is no door in the room. Don�t get me wrong- I do want this. I guess I just wasn�t really anticipating the pressure to be as great as it is turning out to be- and the wedding is (tentatively) still over a year away. I can�t afford the wedding, my house is too small for all of us, and I�m already in debt. I feel like there is no way out... unless I win the lottery or something. I�ve never really had to deal with financial pressure like this, so its hitting me kind of hard. I know people who go through this stuff with a lot less money than I have, and they seem to make it work, but I can�t for the life of me see how. As a result of all of this, I am feeling pretty inadequate right now. I don�t feel like I will be able to provide- at least not in the way I want to. I so want to be the best thing to ever happen to her, and right now, I just don�t. Insecurity is weighing down on me like a ton of bricks and there is no place to set them down. I constantly find myself doubting that she�s as happy with me as she has been with other people she�s been with. As happy with the money, as happy in the bedroom, as happy with... well, with me. The disgusting part is that she is constantly telling me she is- without me ever asking- and I still don�t believe her. I find it impossible that she could be. It is unimaginable to me that I make her happier than others have. Its just me, after all. I�m nothing special. I�m not handsome enough. I don�t make enough money. I�m not that funny. I�m not that good in bed. I�m just not good enough. I guess I�m just afraid that sooner or later she�ll realize that, or that sooner or later she�ll fess up that she�s known it all along.

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