I read something a little while ago in the paper about how France is peeved because all EU (European Union) documents will only be drafted in a)the language of the country the documents originated, and b)English. Originally, the 2nd language was French. At first I couldn�t really understand why the French were being so.. well, French. I mean, English is the most learned 2nd language in the world, after all. It only makes sense! Then I started thinking about it, and you know what? English is the shittiest language around. Granted, I�ve only studied English and German, so it isn�t like I�m an expert on languages, but can you honestly think of another language with more fucked up grammar rules, exceptions to those rules, duplicate words, multiple spellings and redundancy? I can�t! Remember this one? �I before E except after C�. And oh yeah, forger about that rule if you�re trying to spell �foreign.� Why do �fish� and �philanthropy� start with different letters? Why does the letter �C� act like the letter �S� if its in the middle of a word? Shouldn�t �Piece� be spelled �Piese�? Or perhaps �Peace� should be spelled �Pease�. And how is it the letter 'K' somehow turns the word 'now' into 'know'? How in the hell can a word be its own past tense?
"I need to read the red book."
"I read the red book."
English must be a nightmare to learn as a second language. Hell, most American�s who�ve lived here their whole lives don�t have a firm grasp of it. A lot of people still can�t figure out when to use �there�, �their�, or �they�re�- �two�, �too�, or �to�. Look at the word �Die�. Three uses, one for each letter.
� I don�t want to die.�
�These are made from a die casting.�
�We can�t play monopoly until we find the other die.�
Change the �I� to a �Y�, and you have �Dye�. When you say �finish�, do you mean to get something done, or do you mean the coating on a piece of wood? Did you know the English language has more words than any other language on the planet? How in the hell is that possible when we duplicate so many of them?
"Your brother already ate eight cookies."
�My trip depends on whether or not the weather changes.�
�I lost my right eye.�
�I live to see that band play live.�
"No, I don't know when the test is."
�Sorry I was late, dear. I hit a deer on the way home.�
"Lets meet at the meat counter."
"Timmy is such a pain! He broke the window pane!"
�Mary was very merry as she prepared to marry Mark.�
With all of these multiple uses and spellings, it�s a wonder we�re even able to communicate, let alone figure out the right way to write.
�When do you think the paper is due?�
And don�t even get me started on words being used as both nouns and verbs.
"We have to fire Jones for starting that fire."
�I enjoyed the drive to work.�
�I want to drive to work.�
"Steer clear of that steer!"
�I want to fly to Fiji.�
�I don�t know why she swallowed the fly.�
�It was all a lie!�
�I need to lie down.�
"Don't use that tone with me!"
"Her skin has such a beautiful tone."
"I killed a wild boar!�
�He is such a bore- he drones on and on.�
�The drones gather the honey and protect the hive.�
�She broke out in hives all over her body.�
The ridiculousness of our language is mind-boggling.
�We�re taking a trip next month.�
How does one take a trip, anyway? Look up take in the dictionary- it has like 30 different uses! And didn't we learn that 'S' makes things plural? Like cat changes to cats? So why don't we have schools of fishes, and flocks of gooses or heards of Buffalos? So yeah, I can kind of see why the French are a little pissed off. I would be too, if I had to learn this as a second language. And lets not forget using punctuation. Does anyone really know when to properly use a semi-colon? I know I don't. I'd like to shove that semi-colon up my colon.

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