Well, my windshield is FINALLY fixed. About damn time! It only took them 16 days.....

Work has been exhausting- I haven't worked less than 10 hour days for the last week and a half, with the exception of last Friday. Help is suppose to arrive Monday, but that will involve training, so it will be even more tedious- at least there will be light at the end of the tunnel at that point, however.

I am conflicted about Anne. She is cool to hang out with, but I know she isn't right for me. She is basically a lesbian dike. I.E. a dike who likes guys. She has absolutely no interest in how she presents herself. think of your typical guy- baseball cap, crappy T-shirt, blue jeans, white socks and tennis shoes....and you have Anne. I doubt she even owns a dress. As superficial as all of this sounds, its important to me. She isn't ugly, she just doesn't try. How can you bring that up in conversation without killing a relationship? "Anne, I like you a lot, but I'm embarassed to be seen with you in public, because you dress like a bull dike." The only reason I think I am with her is because I need someone to do things with. I don't have any friends in town I can count on to be social with, so I masquerade as a boyfriend just to maintain companionship. Pathetic, yes- but what choice do I have? If I stayed at home every night, I'd more than likely end up a completely self deprecating mess. Two people in the last week have said I need to just call up Emily and get it over with, since I am comparing everyone to her. And they are right, to an extent- I am comparing everyone to her. However, I know in my heart that Emily and I just aren't right for each other. I could call her up, and on the off chance she felt the same way I do, we could pretend for a while longer that things are OK, but in the end, the same shit would happen, so what is the point? Its painful enough now as it is. It would be tantamount to getting hooked on heroine, making yourself go clean, and then getting hooked again....over and over. As bad as you want that hit, you know you're better off withstanding the urge and just moving on with your life. You listening, Erika?

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