So I�ve been chatting online for the past week or so with this girl named Annie. She seems pretty nice, but there is one slight problem- she�s only 20 years old. Now, I have a hard enough time getting along with people around my own age, let alone someone 8 years younger. I seem to function best and have more in common with people older than me. She replied to the add I have up on yahoo. So is this even worth pursuing? How much can I really have in common with someone who isn�t even old enough to legally drink? And if I do end up dating her, I will certainly end up contributing to the delinquency of a minor. Am I wasting my time? Of course I am�I generally waste 90% of my time anyway, so I guess this isn�t any different. The only time I really think I�m doing anything productive or useful is when I�m asleep- and I can�t even do that right. I didn�t get to bed until midnight last night, which kinda sucks when you have to be up at 5:30. I spend the rest of my day at a job that is frustrating and dull, or at home doing jack shit. There are so many things around the house that need to be done, but I don�t have the motivation to do any of them. I feel like I am a huge wad of wasted potential. I remember a couple of thanksgivings ago while I was at my dads, my step-monster�s sister asked what I was doing working for Delphi. I didn�t really give much thought to the answer, but thinking back on it, I was spot on. My response to her question was, �Lack of motivation.� I was never motivated while in school to do anything, and that hasn�t changed. I guess I just don�t know what I want to be when I grow up.

The older I have gotten, the more I wonder just how many people end up doing something they enjoy or find rewarding. The more I think about it, the smaller that percentage becomes in my mind. Perhaps that is because everyone I work with hates their job. Does age coincide with jadedness? It seems like the older I get, the more negative my outlook becomes. I�m still fairly young, so I�m still at the point where things like this really bother me. Perhaps middle age (i.e. midlife crisis) is when you just stop giving a shit and become resigned to the fact that you�re life is nothing like you hoped it would be, and you accept the fact that you�re never really going to be happy. I also think this is the reason why so many people drink and do drugs. The alternative of being lucid is just too fucking depressing. Man, I sure could go for a beer or four right about now

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