To really understand the humor of this situation you�d have to have been at my house last night, but I�ll do my best to convey what Emily and I thought was fucking hilarious. First of all, I need to acquaint you with my roommate�s boyfriend- Scott. Scott is an idiot. Scott is an ex convict (yes that�s right- he served time in Georgia for peddling ecstasy). Scott is one of those people who�s favorite topic of conversation is Scott. I do not like Scott. I didn�t like Scott from the first day I met him- which incidentally, was when I drove home from my dad�s house a day early after thanksgiving to find him sitting on my living room couch with his shirt off smoking a cigarette. Anyway, he�s one of those guys who is always going to talk a big game but you know he�s completely full of bullshit. Getting to the point, Emily and I were laying in bed getting ready to doze off when we could hear the beginnings of an argument brewing between Jesse and Scott upstairs. Normally when we hear them talking we both get a little frustrated and I usually have to yell upstairs for them to keep it down. This time we both wanted to listen, because it was evident that the conversation wasn�t going well. All of a sudden, there was dead silence... I whispered to Emily, �He�s probably going to storm out of here slamming doors.� Thirty seconds later he tromps down the stairs, goes out the side door, gets in his car and slams the door. Then Emily said, �He�ll more than likely squeal his tires when he leaves.� Fifteen seconds later, he peals off down the street. At this point, Emily and I are trying very hard not to laugh out loud. Then I said, �You know he�s going to call her in about 5 minutes.� Three minutes later, we hear Jesse�s cell phone start ringing- she didn�t answer the call. Emily then said, �Hmmm�she didn�t answer it- he�ll call back.� About 5 minutes later, her phone rings again. My stomach was hurting I was laughing so hard. So predictable. So pathetic. You always know what idiots like him are going to do five minutes before they do.
Anyway, I don�t think he�ll be coming back to my place anytime soon... Which is fine with me. And even if Jesse wants him to, I�m putting my foot down. I am not going to allow people like him into my house. I�m sure my neighbors all really enjoyed hearing someone leaving skid marks down the street at 1:00am.
And to give you an idea of his idiocy, we were sitting there eating dinner, talking about how food these days is so bad for you and full of chemicals and shit. I made the comment that it�s all of the processed shit that we eat that causes so much heart disease and diabetes and high blood pressure. Scott then chimes in, �My dad has high blood pressure, but I know I�ll never have it. I found out a while ago that its impossible to get stressed about stuff if you just don�t care.� Now here is the point in the movie that I would hit the pause button to explain to the audience that everything that just came out of his mouth his complete manure. First of all, stress isn�t necessarily what causes high blood pressure. Second, and more importantly, he DOES stress out about shit. He nearly got into a fistfight with some guy at a bar on Saturday night- that is stress. He then proceeds to burn his tires down my street at 1:00am because he didn�t like the conversation him and Jesse were in�.nope, no stress there! He�s just a happy go lucky kind of guy! I find it amazing that guys like him actually have girlfriends. No offense to you XX chromosomes out there, but how is so many of you end up with such idiots? These toolboxes end up hurting you, after which you vow that all you want is to be left alone�or that you just want to find a nice guy. Then within a month, you�re dating another useless sack of donkey spunk and the cycle starts all over again. I could go into the evolutionary reasons behind this, but I�ll just end up pissing everyone off, so I�ll refrain.

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