I had some of the most bizarre and incredibly vivid dreams last night that I can remember having in a very long time.

1) The first one was involved Emily and I going to some beach resort like Sandals. We got there and realized it was a complete dive. For some reason, Riley (Emily�s son) was there as well. We spend three days there, but the dream revolved almost completely around the meals they served at dinner time. The odd part was that every day at dinner, they brought out hardboiled eggs for an appetizer. All of the waiters in the restaurant were Hispanic, and the cooks were Indian women. Finally, on the third day, Riley, who was no longer Riley but was actually Mr. Roper from Three�s Company, became furious at the quality of the food, not to mention the endless parade of hardboiled eggs. He started getting into it with our waiter, who had miraculously stopped being Hispanic and was in fact one of the Smothers Brothers- Dick Smothers, I believe. Mr. Roper made some insulting remark to him, at which point Dick made a remark about Mr. Roper daughter. Mr. Roper then threw the table on its side and punched Dick in the face. The vacation was basically over, so after filling out some scathing comment cards about the quality of service and the dryness of the hardboiled eggs, we left in Emily�s car. There was road construction on our way back, and we were forced to drive through wet cement. We then had to stop at a service station to wash off all the wet cement from the side of the car before it dried. While I was hosing off the car, I noticed that a couple of the Indian women from the resort were also at the gas station and were wearing thin, white T-Shirts. I then proceeded to spray one of them with the hose. She actually didn�t even mind that I was doing this, and began laughing while I drank in the site of her impressively large breasts straining against the now translucent T-Shirt.

2) Somehow, we ended up at Best Buy- which wasn�t really Best Buy but was actually some computing center that just happed to sell DVDs. I was looking over the DVDs and noticed that there was some Mathew McConaghy (I know I spelled that wrong) movie that had virtually the same packaging design and artwork as Mad Max. For some reason this really pissed me off. The person I was with, which had ceased being my wife and Mr. Roper but was now this lady I work with named Linda, was urging me to go because we were going to get home late. We went out the back door and were walking along the street, when I suddenly realized I could fly. In fact, I could fly so fast that I could actually move instantly from one place to another. In fact, I could fly so fast that I could actually reverse time and travel back in history and undo anything that has happened, and I taught my friends how to do the same thing. When we did this, trails of light formed behind us- just like they did on Olivia Newton-John in Xanadu. Most of them used this new found talent to travel back in time to undo bad tattoos they had gotten. One of my friends was actually John Travolta who had become disgustingly fat and hairy- like Fat Bastard from Austin Powers. He traveled back in time (or maybe he just had plastic surgery) to make himself thin again. I walked in on him in some dank, dark, basement like room with dirty sweaty walls. He was naked and all greased up, swiveling his hips while he rhythmically slapped some other guy in the ass who was bent over some kind of stool and was wearing nothing but leather underwear.

3) I ended up being immersed in a video game. It said it was Doom, but it was more like a fighting game such as Mortal Kombat or something. I was on platform and had to jump down to different levels from which I could choose fighters to use. On one of the levels, I could choose women, and I was able to customize them however I wanted. I of course kept going back to that level. I could choose Jessica Biel, Shannon Doherty, Aria Giovani, Alyssa Milano, etc etc. I could change what they were wearing, their hair color, and best of all, their breast size. I picked Shannon Doherty a couple of times, but I of course gave her much bigger boobs. None of them were naked, but the clothing was so revealing that they may as well have been. I actually like it when there is a little clothing left- it leaves something to the imagination. It is the different to me between something being erotic and something being pornographic.

Unfortunately, my alarm clock went off in the middle of that dream.

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